Dead man in mortuary impregnates woman

I must admit, when I first read that title I hoped it was from the National Enquirer or The Weekly World News, but sadly this is a true story.   Enjoy! Black Forest Boy

The Rolling Stones said it best, “You, you make a dead man cum.”  A 38 year old female mortuary worker is being held on $250,000 bond after becoming pregnant by one of her clients-a dead man.  The alleged crime took place at the Mourning Glory Mortuary just outside of Lexington, Missouri.  Police have charged Felicity Marmaduke with desecration of the dead and necrophilia.

According to a statement made to police by Marmaduke, the alleged victim experienced a post mortem erection while being bathed.  Being alone, Marmaduke straddled the dead man and proceeded have sex with him.  Much to her surprise, the alleged victim came to orgasm after several minutes.  A few weeks later, Marmaduke had a positive pregnancy test while receiving a routine medical exam.  Upon telling her doctor the circumstances leading to the conception, the police were notified.  Marmaduke was arrested without incident at her dilapidated trailer home a few blocks from the mortuary.

In a bizarre twist, Marmaduke plans to sue the dead man’s estate for child support.

Bedridden fat woman becomes online dating sensation

I would highly advise you to have a bucket on hand while reading this story Black Forest Boy

A thousand pound woman has become a meteoric hit on OKCupid, the popular online dating site.  Half_Ton_Henrietta, the woman’s online screen name, unabashedly advertises her promiscuity on a blanket in her profile picture.

Unable to get out of bed, Half_Ton_Henrietta relies on men she meets through OKCupid not only to feed her, but to empty her bedpan.  Half_Ton_Henrietta’s size has not been a deterrent to having as many as 5 dates per day.  In her online profile, Half_Ton_Henrietta describes her body type as “A little extra”.

Chris Coyne, co-founder of OKCupid, confessed that he had “tapped it” when asked to comment on this story.  Half_Ton_Henrietta also had a confession to make.  “I am only given a bath once a week.”